Stop and Smell... the Tulips

I know this blog tends to be fairly spiritual with a focus on evangelism, but I'd like to share my day today, just to show that my life is also comprised of things that I find meaningful, but not necessarily that impactful.

I learned that there is an estate which has dedicated its lawn entirely to tulip gardens. Tulips are by far my favorite flower, so I was determined to go see them before all their precious little petals fell off! I set out to go see the gardens two days ago, but it was as if the weather were playing peek-a-boo with me and every time I got in the car or walked outside it'd start to drizzle. "No way do I want to get stuck looking at tulips in the rain!" I thought, and I'd walk back in, or turn the car around. I did this twice, and each time when I went in the sun would come out. I still forfeited the trip. Then there was a thunderstorm the next day. And then there were tornadoes. Seriously. I prayed for the petals to be strong and endure the storms (no there will be no metaphor for life later) so I could come see them.

Finally today, despite it being very windy, I was determined to see the tulips! I drove out to the main road and had to stop while 3 adult looking deer leaped across the road in front of me in the middle of the day- the road being none other than Deer Wood Ct, I kid you not! Thankfully they didn't dart last minute, but rather decidedly made their way across the road, which gave me plenty of time to stop and avoid hitting them.

I progressed on my way and made it to the gardens. There was the sound of music carried on the wind. I later realized it was by a man sitting on a lawn chair in the middle of a patch of tulips playing a recorder. Yes, a recorder, like the kind we all played in elementary school music class. He had music for it and everything.

Then a basset hound puppy bounded up to me with her oversized ears and feet. She was accompanied by her owner and another dog, which I learned was a basset/beagle mix. I chatted with the owner and complimented the puppy on how beautiful she was. She chewed on my hand with her sharp puppy teeth, but I didn't mind.

I took in the tulips and was thankful that most of them still had their full blossoms, although some patches were petal-less. I thought about how nice it is that somewhere in the world- actually the place where I am now situated in life- has an entire garden full of my favorite flower. I may not know what I am doing with my future or my career, but I can enjoy and appreciate little things like this on a day where I don't have work.

Unfortunately along with beautiful Spring flowers comes Spring allergies. I wasn't suffering from them really until this morning. I went to sleep with the window open because it was not quite warm enough to keep the A.C. on. I woke up with the entire left side of my nose inflamed and tender. Like the whole nostril. I get swelling, but should this affect my entire nostril? I decided to stop by a pharmacy on the way home to get some Zyrtec. I could not place the pharmacist's accent other than being somewhere in West Africa. I asked him where he is from and he said Nigeria. Then he asked me if I watched the royal wedding and said, "It was so beautiful!"

Then I went out to the parking lot to my car and walked by this retirement aged black gentleman in a tan suit, with a pink tie, suspenders, and a straw looking brimmed hat. He was getting out of his Cadillac. I complimented his outfit and asked him where he was going looking so fancy, and he said he is retired and he always dresses like that. (That is how I knew he was retirement age!) ;) And then he asked if I wanted to marry him. I said I'd consider it if he wants to pay off my student loans.

[As an aside, it is really sad how much I value things in terms of paying off my student loans. When I was in Burma, a businessman associated with the English school I worked at approached me after class and gave the proposition of marrying a Burmese man to grant him U.S. citizenship in exchange for $15,000 U.S. I told him no, of course that is against the law, but then when recounting the story to others back in America I added, "$15,000 would barely pay off one of my student loan bills! He'd have to offer a lot more than that!" Also, when doing a contract job the other attorneys and I were talking about how much a qualified woman can get paid to be an egg donor. It is like $100,000. I said something to the effect of, "I don't think I'd want some stranger to have a kid that is partially mine... but that would cover most of my student loan debt!" And last night I was saying how you couldn't pay me enough to jump out of a plane, except for maybe if you paid off my student loan debt. hahaha]

Those of you with massive student loan debt can sympathize. Anyway, I didn't continue the discussion with the Cadillac driving, suit wearing, retired man any further about marriage.

Then I came home. Now I am writing this blog.

Many days are like this I find. I didn't learn anything new about myself today, except that I am susceptible to allergies in this new place where I am now living. I didn't figure out what to do with my life. But I did get out and enjoy tulips. And random strangers. And their dogs. And the flattery of a marriage proposal in the parking lot.

I guess if there is a moral to this post it would be- wherever you are in life, whether you are happy with what has become of it or not, enjoy your surroundings. Take time for things that are put on the earth just for you. For me it's tulips. For you it's something else. But don't miss it- and the people around you- just because your circumstances aren't everything you want and hope for. Some days we have to make the most of what we're given because we can't allow our contentment to depend on circumstances.

There ya go. And here are some pictures from the garden!

The man with the recorder

And just for fun... my purse!

What Christ Saved Us From

I can almost hear in my head the response of some religious people to my last post... "But we can't ignore sin! Yes God is loving, but he also holds people accountable for their sin! What about the wrath of God we were under while we were still living in sin?" And on and on...

Look, although people who indulge in sin may appear to momentarily enjoy their actions, do you really think anyone needs help feeling more painfully aware of their sin? Even those of us who know Christ usually are not far away from feelings of unworthiness, shame, condemnation, guilt, etc. And we are the forgiven ones who supposedly know that we are covered by the grace of Christ.

Before the Good Friday service this past Passion week I asked Jesus for a new experience of the cross. I went into the service and we began to worship by singing songs about the cross and the sacrifice of Jesus. Do you know what I felt? Love. I felt how my friend who had been having a bad day needed a hug. I felt how pleased God felt for the brother who has been struggling with his faith. I felt the approval God felt for the pastor.

There was all this talk about how excruciatingly horrendous and awful our sin is which necessitated Christ's death on the cross. I think it is an evangelical belief (and perhaps more widespread to Calvinism- you theological experts can let me know) that in order to fully appreciate the sacrificial death of Christ as an atonement for our sins we must fully own the weight of depravity of our sin.

I decided to reject that focus this Easter. I posed the question, "Why are we focusing so much attention on what Christ saved us from rather than what He saved us to?" How does it glorify Christ to focus on sin? If we have accepted Christ why spend much time focusing on it at all?

Come on people. Think about what it means to have had the atonement for sin already accomplished... We are no longer viewed as sinful, but we put on the righteousness of Christ!

Romans 8

Life Through the Spirit

¹ Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, ² because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death. ³ For what the law was powerless to do because it was weakened by the flesh, God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh to be a sin offering. And so he condemned sin in the flesh, ⁴ in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fully met in us, who do not live according to the flesh but according to the Spirit.

⁹ You, however, are not in the realm of the flesh but are in the realm of the Spirit, if indeed the Spirit of God lives in you. And if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, they do not belong to Christ. ¹⁰ But if Christ is in you, then even though your body is subject to death because of sin, the Spirit gives life because of righteousness.

Galatians 2

¹⁵ “We who are Jews by birth and not sinful Gentiles ¹⁶ know that a person is not justified by the works of the law, but by faith in Jesus Christ. So we, too, have put our faith in Christ Jesus that we may be justified by faith in Christ and not by the works of the law, because by the works of the law no one will be justified.

¹⁷ “But if, in seeking to be justified in Christ, we Jews find ourselves also among the sinners, doesn’t that mean that Christ promotes sin? Absolutely not! ¹⁸ If I rebuild what I destroyed, then I really would be a lawbreaker. ¹⁹ “For through the law I died to the law so that I might live for God. ²⁰ I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. ²¹ I do not set aside the grace of God, for if righteousness could be gained through the law, Christ died for nothing!”

I believe, that in spending so much time in sermons and Bible study discussions about the battle with the flesh, and overcoming sin in order to be more Christ-like, etc. we are just going right back to striving to uphold the requirements of the law, which Christ has already set us free from. He has ALREADY pronounced us righteous and has given us the ability to accomplish everything necessary to live a godly life through the Spirit.

That means we can get past this obsession with sin.

That frees up SO MUCH TIME to think about other things! I want to keep the discussion going, but I am not thinking it will need to be addressed in another post. Stay tuned and feel free to chime in with your thoughts!

God is...

Do you get as annoyed (and occasionally amused) at people's bumper stickers as I do? Perhaps those of you who have not lived in the DC-Metropolitan area do not have the privilege to sit close enough to someone's bumper for extended periods of time like I have had, but I certainly get my fair share of bumper reading opportunities. I especially love to see the religious and political beliefs of the people who cut me off! I avoid overt auto-hypocrisy by having no religious symbolism on my car, however I do proudly display the "Virginia is for Lovers" bumper sticker, which was mainly to declare my loyalty to Virginia when I was living in Texas.

Anyway, my post is not about bumper stickers. But it IS inspired by something I saw on the highway while driving to work. I'm always amazed at the humor that comes from people's dirty cars. "Wash me" is typical. Sometimes you see paw prints. On the highway yesterday morning I saw a large truck with "God Is Love" written in huge dust letters.

For once this was a religious automobile platform I could get behind. And it got me thinking, "Is this inscription in truck dust not symbolic of how our actions are representing God to people every day?"

Think about the type of Christians that get represented on the news. Who immediately comes to mind? The Koran burning pastor. The anti-gay/abortion protesters- take your pick, every day there are enough of either to abound. The ultra-right wing political conservatives who zealously adhere to socially conservative policies even at the expense of people's government paychecks.

What are these people representing about the character of God?

God is... judgmental.

God is... angry.

God is... hateful.

God is... more concerned about social mores than the wellbeing of individuals.

I work with attorneys that represent a cross-section of different backgrounds and beliefs. This topic comes up often with every new church group that shows up in court or the media for their decision to protest the funeral of a soldier who is taking the brunt for the repeal of the 'Don't Ask-Don't Tell' policy, or whatever ignoble form of attention grabbing, religious excuse for hate-mongering is fashionable that week. We share personal experiences of encounters with judgmental and hypocritical Christians.

And then the question always arises, "How do they think that God is behind these hateful actions? Where do they get the idea to use their religion to promote hatred?"

Well, it simply comes from their concept that God is all the above mentioned qualities. If God is primarily a judgmental God, then it follows that He is primarily concerned about sin. And if God cares about sin, then so should we! It becomes the Christian's job to go around ridding the world of sin, which necessarily has to be some sort of societal taboo, which of course has to do with sex because those are the sins self-righteous people feel most indignant about. This is in opposition to lesser sins such as gossip, lying, or of course, judging.

With such a view of God your mission in life becomes simple- you must diligently go about informing the world of God's EXTREME displeasure with their behavior so they will repent. And THEN when you repent, God will be happy with you and He becomes a good and loving God.

Yesterday at work a question arose, "Who is the person who is converted by the John 3:16 signs at football games?" Has anyone ever testified to seeing "John 3:16" on the bottom of a Forever XXI bag and realized their need for Christ? Would the lost sinner have the wherewithal to know they are supposed to look up the verse in the Bible?

I could go on and on about the ludicrousness of it all. But what is not a laughing matter is that so many people, deep down to their core, believe this is what God desires from them in order for them to be faithful to His call for them to make disciples of all nations.

I'm here, in this little public forum of my humble blog, to declare- it is WAY more effective to publically represent the image of a LOVING GOD to the world and keep your ideas of what constitutes sin to yourself. I don't care WHAT you believe in private about God's judgment and his anger over sin. We can differ on what our focus is after reading the same Bible. But PLEASE, for the sake of the reputation of Christians WORLDWIDE, don't spread hatred in the name of religion.

Do you remember the popular, "What would Jesus do?" bracelets? I'll tell you what Jesus would NOT do. He wouldn't bash gay people. He wouldn't burn other religious texts. And he wouldn't wage social warfare to promote any political agenda.

When we ask what the character of God is, as purported followers of Jesus, we should always view God through the lens of Christ. What does John 3:16 say anyway? That "God so loved the world..."

In the words of the Black Eyed Peas, "Where is the love?"

So people, let's make a point to represent who God really is... LOVE!

Moving Forward

I recently completed the second 6-month healing prayer ministry training from Elijah House's video school. We had a graduation ceremony and the facilitators of the class spoke words of blessing and prophecy over us. Members of the class also shared blessing and wrote them on cards to give to us.

This is what the leaders said about me:

• "I see you being led by God blind-folded. You don't know where you are going, but when He takes off the blindfold you are content and happy."
• "I see you on a winding path, but you are walking with Jesus right beside you."

And one card said:

• I see you "free falling beautifully skydiving. You are not afraid because the Lord holds you up as He carries you to your destination."

On one hand I was comforted that these people who I trust to hear from God were speaking things that are in agreement with my experience, and what they were saying was hopeful. But what did not make me feel all warm and fuzzy was this confirmation of the uncertainty in my life and the general theme of 'blind faith' and even extreme risk-taking. That is sort of how I've been living, but still it did not make me feel better that this is really how it is.

You see I had a different idea of how it all was going to look. The faith was supposed to have a difference outcome. As a recovering perfectionist and performance/outcome-driven person, I do not like thinking that even faith can have flawed results. It's hard to keep from believing that perhaps somewhere I missed something or just plain got it wrong.

This mindset tends to get me stuck. It prevents me from wanting to move ahead. It causes me to resent the lost opportunities and creates a hesitancy to risk again. Whether you act out of faith or not, I am sure I am not alone in having these feelings.

So I am writing to share how I am choosing to handle this problem of facing my future while still quite acutely feeling the disappointment of the past. I have decided that I want to run with a tailwind rather than against a headwind. I am not a runner- I say that I don't run unless I am being pursued by someone with the intent to do me harm. I don't think I got past the 2nd stage of the Couch-to-5k program, but alas I digress.

I don't run, but I do know what it's like to try and do anything- let's just say walk- against a headwind. You are progressing, but it just seems to take so much effort to get anywhere. And then when you get to your intended destination you feel drained. A tail wind, on the other hand, propels you forward and makes it feel like you are almost effortlessly progressing- or if not effortlessly, with minimum effort- and when you arrive you almost feel like you gained strength in conserving what you would have already have had to expend. Like when the flight attendant tells you that you are arriving to your destination city ahead of schedule. It's like you get part of your life back that you didn't know you were missing.

Anyway, I give this long analogy because I feel like in clinging to the past, in focusing so much on lost opportunity costs, I am running against a headwind. I'm chaining myself to hurt and the things that represent what I don't want my life to look like- or mourning what should've been- when I could be expending that energy on the potential of what could be. I need that focus and energy for the WORLD of possibilities that lie ahead.

It was really windy a couple nights ago. It was also warm. That is it was warm before it got cold, but that is April for ya. I went out to the deck and sat to look out across the yard and up to the night sky. As soon as I came and sat with my sorrow and burdens I heard a voice in the solitude that said, "I am here." I started to cry. And then I felt as if Jesus was extending me an opportunity to unload my burdens.

I pictured the failed relationships and hopes and dreams as bunches of balloons. I felt the nudging of Jesus to let them go. So with each new gust of wind or gentle breeze I let another bundle of balloons go. Each friendship. Each opportunity. A season of life over. In my mind I could see them float up to the sky and off to Heaven. In Heaven God would be able to invest them and redeem them and then use the return on the investment for my future.

With each release of the imaginary balloons I felt lighter in my spirit. I think that's what enabled me to now feel more enthusiastic about continuing to run with hope towards the 'what could be' instead of focusing on 'what will not be.'

My favorite prophet Isaiah said:

This is what the LORD says- "Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland."

It's hard to think I am starting over. I didn't want to start over. I was ok with revamping or remodeling, but I didn't want to have to start from scratch. That thought sucked and quite frankly scares me. I have done this too many times. But I don't have options. I start over or stagnate. I don't want to stall out right when I am positioned to thrive if I will only keep on living with courage, faith, and hope. So I am choosing to keep looking ahead- or walking figuratively blindfolded by God step by step in the direction where He is leading in as much trust as one can muster while plummeting to the ground like a skydiver!