~ Brennan Manning, "The Relentless Tenderness of Jesus"
I just read something in a book that described faith as "trust in God and expectancy in His provision." I realized that I have been struggling with faith lately, and that definition helped me to understand why. I say I trust God, but then I don't really expect for Him to do what it talks about in the Bible. It's like the part of me that used to expect things is broken.
I realized that actually what I expect is for things to stay the same. I came to this conclusion because of yoga. For a Christian blog, I know I spend a lot of time talking about yoga- haha! Anyway, for a couple weeks the Tuesday/Thursday 4:30 class was usually the same. Too hot and too crowded. So this was my association with Tuesday/Thursday yoga. Beforehand I would mentally prepare myself for it to be uncomfortable.
Then one day I came in the air was working so it was not hot and there was plenty of room. "What changed?" I asked. "Where are all the people that are always here?" People had no answer for me. It was a different week- there were different people. And that is how it was for each week. There would be new teachers. Even if it was the same teacher, she or he would change up the routine. My little world of expecting continuity was crumbling.
And then I realized that I have been going through life expecting things to stay the same. People too. This is really detrimental. I was living in the past and limiting my expectation to what I had already experienced. I can't say this caused me to have a very hopeful outlook on life.
Proverbs 13:12 says: Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.
Romans 8:24-25 says: For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.
I think two things caused my hope, or expectancy that God will act, to break. I think I had faith that something would happen, and then placed my expectation of what it would look like on my hope. When it didn't happen the way I thought, I got discouraged. Too long being discouraged, and then I gave up in some areas of my life. Also I think I got tired of waiting. I think somewhere the timer of when I expected God to act expired and I was doubly discouraged.
A little interaction helped bring this to light... After Hurricane Irene the weather was beautiful. I heard someone on the phone say to his son in New York, "You've got beautiful weather coming!" Well in New York it was still storming. But the father was experiencing what would soon make its way to the son.
It occurred to me that this is what God says to me when I am discouraged. All I see in my life is strong winds, rain, and a power failure. God sees what is coming on the other side of the storm and says, "Be encouraged, you've got beautiful things coming!" I have tended to side with Eeyore in those moments and have sulked in my gloom and pessimism. "Whatever God, I don't see it getting better. Go away with your cheeriness!"
You know what though? Things ARE getting better. Despite my own lack of faith or hope. So I am asking Jesus to heal the areas of my life where I have been frustrated. I am trying to refocus on the truth of the promises of God in His word. If He says He will provide, then provision IS coming! It just might not come in the form I'm expecting.
I had a sad moment of dealing with some pain. I got the image of one situation as tattered cloth. I held the cloth up to Jesus. "It is ruined," my heart exclaimed. It was if Jesus said to me, "Give it here and I will make something beautiful of it."
So take heart, beloved. It is time to EXPECT beauty- whatever that will look like- on the other side of your storms!
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