Expectation

"Expectations are our subtle attempts to control God and manipulate mystery. We can get so wrapped up in them that when Jesus breaks into our lives in new and surprising ways, we neither recognize Him nor hear His message."

~ Brennan Manning, "The Relentless Tenderness of Jesus"

I just read something in a book that described faith as "trust in God and expectancy in His provision." I realized that I have been struggling with faith lately, and that definition helped me to understand why. I say I trust God, but then I don't really expect for Him to do what it talks about in the Bible. It's like the part of me that used to expect things is broken.

I realized that actually what I expect is for things to stay the same. I came to this conclusion because of yoga. For a Christian blog, I know I spend a lot of time talking about yoga- haha! Anyway, for a couple weeks the Tuesday/Thursday 4:30 class was usually the same. Too hot and too crowded. So this was my association with Tuesday/Thursday yoga. Beforehand I would mentally prepare myself for it to be uncomfortable.

Then one day I came in the air was working so it was not hot and there was plenty of room. "What changed?" I asked. "Where are all the people that are always here?" People had no answer for me. It was a different week- there were different people. And that is how it was for each week. There would be new teachers. Even if it was the same teacher, she or he would change up the routine. My little world of expecting continuity was crumbling.

And then I realized that I have been going through life expecting things to stay the same. People too. This is really detrimental. I was living in the past and limiting my expectation to what I had already experienced. I can't say this caused me to have a very hopeful outlook on life.

Proverbs 13:12 says: Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.

Romans 8:24-25 says: For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.

I think two things caused my hope, or expectancy that God will act, to break. I think I had faith that something would happen, and then placed my expectation of what it would look like on my hope. When it didn't happen the way I thought, I got discouraged. Too long being discouraged, and then I gave up in some areas of my life. Also I think I got tired of waiting. I think somewhere the timer of when I expected God to act expired and I was doubly discouraged.

A little interaction helped bring this to light... After Hurricane Irene the weather was beautiful. I heard someone on the phone say to his son in New York, "You've got beautiful weather coming!" Well in New York it was still storming. But the father was experiencing what would soon make its way to the son.

It occurred to me that this is what God says to me when I am discouraged. All I see in my life is strong winds, rain, and a power failure. God sees what is coming on the other side of the storm and says, "Be encouraged, you've got beautiful things coming!" I have tended to side with Eeyore in those moments and have sulked in my gloom and pessimism. "Whatever God, I don't see it getting better. Go away with your cheeriness!"

You know what though? Things ARE getting better. Despite my own lack of faith or hope. So I am asking Jesus to heal the areas of my life where I have been frustrated. I am trying to refocus on the truth of the promises of God in His word. If He says He will provide, then provision IS coming! It just might not come in the form I'm expecting.

I had a sad moment of dealing with some pain. I got the image of one situation as tattered cloth. I held the cloth up to Jesus. "It is ruined," my heart exclaimed. It was if Jesus said to me, "Give it here and I will make something beautiful of it."

So take heart, beloved. It is time to EXPECT beauty- whatever that will look like- on the other side of your storms!

Listen to the little voice

I have to apologize to the blog community for my month-long lapse in posting. I thought about a lot of things, but it didn't materialize into anything I could write. But now I have some little reflections and stories to share.

I want to share a little occurance that happened after yoga. It has to do with listening to the voice of God.

I talk to so many people who tell me they are not sure how to tell when they are hearing God's voice or if it's their own voice. I hate to demystify things, but I really believe that most of the time God's voice sounds pretty much just like your own. I think if you are wanting to hear God, trying to live obediently, and seeking spiritual direction through prayer and doing things such as reading the Bible, chances are you really are hearing God. You just don't think you do.

This is because many times God speaks in little ways. Ways you could easily miss if you aren't paying attention. And also most people quickly disqualify themselves from hearing God. I mean, doesn't God only speak to special people? Why would he waste His time telling me things unless there's a real problem or a serious prayer request?

Even though there are many sermons about what God had to say in Biblical times, I find that there is very little practical guidance in church about how God speaks- TODAY. I mean, in that statement is the assumption that God actually does speak to people today. I guess that could get me in trouble in a lot of churches. And then there is also the assumption that God speaks to other people than ordained clergy.

But yes, God DOES speak to EVERYONE today. I even assert that God is speaking to people who don't go to church, or even believe in Jesus for that matter. Sometimes I think these people just don't recognize God when He is trying to get their attention.

I think God speaks in many ways we take for granted. I think mainly this is in the form of spontaneous thoughts or impressions that do not originate from your own ordinary course of thinking. Like most of us tend to think about what we need to buy at the store, what we have to do to prepare for the meeting at work, etc. In short- things that concern US. So if a spontaneous thought pops in your head, "I wonder how that guy from law school is doing- the one I haven't talked to in 2 years? I wonder how his wife is doing. Weren't they going to have a baby?"

Now to me, that is a notion that God wants me to check in on that guy and ask how his family is doing. You would not believe how this happens and lo and behold when I talk to the person that randomly comes to mind, something indeed is going on. Then I ask if I can pray or provide some encouragement.

Now why do people ignore these thoughts? I think it is because we fear looking stupid. What if I call the friend from law school and nothing appears to be going on? Then don't I look stupid for reaching out? No, you just seem like a nice person. Most of the time we have to take small risks to venture out in what we feel like we may be hearing from God.

I had a test in this after a yoga class last week. I left the studio and was passing a health food store that sells smoothies. On a very rare occasion I buy a fruit drink because they are expensive. After that class I heard a small voice that said, "Go in there and get a fruit drink." I was like, "Uh, voice, that will cost like $5. That is expensive. I don't think I need a $5 fruit drink today." But I made the decision to listen to the voice and get a drink.

Well a few minutes later 2 people from my yoga class walked in. I have very limited opportunities to talk to people in yoga. I mainly see them before or after class and I don't get to now them very well. But I am always praying for everyone in the class. When they "Ohm" I say "Jesus." haha. I think that Ganesh and the other gods in the front of the class need more of the presence of Jesus in their studio! haha.

Anyway, so the teacher and another man invited me to drink our health drinks with them at a table outside. Then another woman from class came up and they invited her to sit with us. I had just listened to a Bethel teaching that day about spiritual intelligence. One of the points of the teaching was that we should glean from the people we are around. That God has given every person a sphere of influence and favor and if we learn from them we will be enriched in our own lives. So I proposed this idea to my new yoga friends. It turned out one man was a developer. He was a renaissance man who had studied philosophy. I found out the yoga teacher also did real estate.

There was no real talk of religion, but I felt like there was an exchange of real goodwill. Now I have a bit of a relationship with these people from class. And it's all because of a $5 fruit drink!

Here are a few helpful criteria for how to discern what the voice of God sounds like:

1) God is never going to contradict His word. So if what you are hearing is in line with Scripture, it could be God.

2) What is the quality of the voice/impression? God is also never going to contradict His character. The book of 1 John says that God is love. God is a (good) Father. He is a Shepherd. Jesus says that he speaks to his sheep and they will know his voice. The sheep won't follow the voice of another. (John 10) So there is an expectation from Christ that we all can and WILL hear his voice.

Many people hear condemning voices/thoughts like "You shouldn't have said that. That was stupid. Why are you always messing up?" and think this is God. Well God is NEVER going to speak in a tone of condemnation. Romans 8 says there is NO condemnation for those who are in Christ. Even when God convicts of sin He does not do it in a way that brings guilt or shame. God desires for us to repent, not feel like miserable people.

Most of the wrong voices we attribute to God come from our faulty views of God. It is hard for many of us to know God as a loving Father. We hear the voices of insecurity, guilt, shame, and think God is displeased with us. I am here to tell you that God deeply desires for you to know His LOVE and APPROVAL of you. So if you feel ashamed or condemned, ask someone to pray with you for you to see yourself rightly- and for you to see God rightly too.

3) Sometimes God uses pictures, impressions, or even song lyrics to show us something. Have you ever experienced the lyrics of a song speaking to you or have you woken up with random lyrics in your head? Pray about whether or not there is something God is trying to get across.

This is a process of discernment that takes time. It takes a willingness to risk. But it is well worth it! Think of the opportunities for prayer, to encourage a struggling friend, or to build relationships if we will only venture to listen to the internal nudges!

Hilarious

I saw this on Facebook, but I already like my post, so I'm putting it here...

For all you ladies who are in a hurry to get married, here's Biblical advice: Ruth patiently waited for her mate Boaz. While waiting on YOUR Boaz, don't settle for ANY of his relatives: Brokeaz, Poaz, Lyinaz, Cheatinaz, Dumbaz, Cheapaz, Lockedupaz , Goodfornothinaz, Lazyaz or Marriedaz. ..and especially his third cousin Beatinyoaz . Please wait on your Boaz & make sure he respects Yoaz!

See yourself the way you really are

Tonight I watched Kung Fu Panda 2. This might be juvenile, but I find these movies really inspiring. The panda is not especially trained or skilled. He is not physically fit. He tends to be bumbling and screws things up a lot. He doesn't even really have a plan most of the time. But he lives up to his destiny and accomplishes the impossible.

It reminds me of these Scriptures:

2 Corinthians 4

⁷ But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. ⁸ We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; ⁹ persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.

2 Corinthians 10

⁹ But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. ¹⁰ That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Mark 10

²⁷ Looking at them, Jesus said, “With people it is impossible, but not with God; for all things are possible with God.”

I was recently praying with my mentor about my new purpose in life. I have had to renounce the old purposes I have lived for based on an image of myself that was not true to God's purpose for me. She asked God to give me a picture of what it looks like to live for my new purpose. I got the image of The Awakening statue.

In case you have never seen it, it is a giant "awakening" from his underground slumber to emerge from the earth. I remember seeing this as a kid. I think I could fit my whole person in one of his hands.

This is the image God gave me... of ME! I thought that was awfully flattering of God, but perhaps a little unmerited. "Me... a... giant?" And then I warmed up to the idea, like finally bursting up from the earth like the beautiful buds and sprouts which long laid dormant during the winter. Sure, why should I NOT be a giant? A giant in faith, in love, and in relationship. Who is to say these things are unattainable for me? Who am I to disqualify myself from the purpose that God has for me?

And I think this is what most of us do. We see ourselves as small and unqualified. We embrace all the limitations that people and life circumstances have shackled us with. The lack of promotion at work. Or worse, the lay off. And then not getting hired during the recession despite sending out umpteen resumes. Or perhaps your spouse never believed in your dream. Or you had kids and never got to use your degree that you worked so hard for. Or your vision for your life does not meet the expectations of your family. The limitations have unlimited possibilities.

But how does God see you? We know how he saw David, as a King who was currently occupied as a lowly shepherd. He saw elderly, sterile Abraham as the father of nations. Cowardly lion Gideon as a valiant warrior. Insert your favorite here...

Why not ask God how He sees you today? What would happen if you awoke from your slumber of a poor self-estimation? No matter what life has dealt or others have done to you, as is the message of the panda, it is up to you to determine your future.

So rise up sleeping giants!

“Wake up, sleeper,
rise from the dead,
and Christ will shine on you.”

(Ephesians 5:14)

Standing on the corner waiting for destiny

I like strangers. This is no secret. Sometimes it's as if a particular stranger has a bull's-eye on their chest or a big neon arrow sign over their head flashing as if to say, "This person needs to encounter God today!"

One such man was standing on the sidewalk in front of my friend's house.

I was walking down the street to go to Bible study at my friend's house when I happened upon a man standing squarely in the middle of the sidewalk looking at the sky and appearing quite perplexed. He had on a backpack like he was about to embark on a trip. Or a hike. But he was in the city.

So I said to him, "Are you waiting for somebody?"

"No" he replied.

And then I said, "You look like you're waiting for your destiny!"

He actually was waiting for his brother. But we engaged in conversation and he volunteered that something very horrible had happened just recently. Before we got into the details his brother emerged from a nearby house and I invited them to Bible study. I said that it very well could be that God would show them their destiny! The brother asked if God would do that for an atheist. I said "Sure!"

They had somewhere to go, so the conversation was left there, but I can't help but wonder what was the horrible event that had happened. In any case I hope it was an encouragement to the man to hear that God has a destiny awaiting him!

I don't know where life finds you today, but I pray that wherever that is, you would know what you were put on this earth for.

1 Corinthians 2: 9

“No eye has seen,
no ear has heard,
no mind has conceived
what God has prepared for those who love him”

A Dose of Profundity from Desmond Tutu

Ubuntu and so restorative justice gives up on no-one. No-one is a totally hopeless and irredeemable case. We all remain the children of God, even the worst of ones. We all retained the capacity to become saints. For us as Christians the paradigm was provided by our Lord and the penitent thief on the Cross. He had led a life of crime presumably until he was crucified.

Some might be appalled at this death-bed repentance and conversion, but not God, whom we seek to emulate - "be as perfect as your heavenly father is perfect" is Jesus' exhortation. We are not able to declare categorically that so and so has a first class ticket to hell. We shall be surprised at those we meet in heaven whom we least expected to be there and perhaps also by those we do not find there whom we had expected to be there.

St. Patrick's Breastplate

I bind unto myself today

The strong Name of the Trinity,

By invocation of the same

The Three in One and One in Three.

I bind this today to me forever

By power of faith, Christ incarnation;

His baptism in Jordan river,

His death on Cross for my salvation;

His bursting from the spiced tomb,

His riding up the heavenly way,

His coming at the day of doom

I bind unto myself today.

I bind unto myself the power

Of the great love of cherubim;

The sweet Well done in judgment hour,

The service of the seraphim,

Confessors faith, Apostles word,

The Patriarchs prayers, the prophets scrolls,

All good deeds done unto the Lord

And purity of virgin souls.

I bind unto myself today

The virtues of the star lit heaven,

The glorious suns life giving ray,

The whiteness of the moon at even,

The flashing of the lightning free,

The whirling winds tempestuous shocks,

The stable earth, the deep salt sea

Around the old eternal rocks.

I bind unto myself today

The power of God to hold and lead,

His eye to watch, His might to stay,

His ear to hearken to my need.

The wisdom of my God to teach,

His hand to guide, His shield to ward;

The word of God to give me speech,

His heavenly host to be my guard.

Against the demon snares of sin,

The vice that gives temptation force,

The natural lusts that war within,

The hostile men that mar my course;

Or few or many, far or nigh,

In every place and in all hours,

Against their fierce hostility

I bind to me these holy powers.

Against all Satan’s spells and wiles,

Against false words of heresy,

Against the knowledge that defiles,

Against the hearts idolatry,

Against the wizards evil craft,

Against the death wound and the burning,

The choking wave, the poisoned shaft,

Protect me, Christ, till Thy returning.

Christ be with me, Christ within me,

Christ behind me, Christ before me,

Christ beside me, Christ to win me,

Christ to comfort and restore me.

Christ beneath me, Christ above me,

Christ in quiet, Christ in danger,

Christ in hearts of all that love me,

Christ in mouth of friend and stranger.

I bind unto myself the Name,

The strong Name of the Trinity,

By invocation of the same,

The Three in One and One in Three.

By Whom all nature hath creation,

Eternal Father, Spirit, Word:

Praise to the Lord of my salvation,

Salvation is of Christ the Lord.

Hope for when you're in a pit

There is a story of a donkey who stumbled and fell into a pit. His owner comes along to rescue it, but the task is impossible. To put it out of its misery, the farmer called upon his friends to help him bury it alive. However, every time they heaped another shovel of dirt on this little donkey, he'd just shake it off, and step up on the fallen pile of dirt. Shake it off, step up, shake it off, step up. Finally he walked out of his imprisonment on level ground. As time passed, the very thing that should have buried the donkey became his way to freedom.

"No pit is too deep that He is not deeper still." ~Corrie ten Boom

Psalm 40

For the director of music. Of David. A psalm.

¹ I waited patiently for the LORD;
he turned to me and heard my cry.
² He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand.
³ He put a new song in my mouth,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear the LORD
and put their trust in him.

Spiritual Truths in Kung Fu Panda

Today I went to yoga and watched Kung Fu Panda.

There are great spiritual principles to be gleaned from Kung Fu Panda.

My dad has been talking about it for a long time now. He always says how much he loved the movie. He quotes, "Panda, we do not wash our pits in the pool of sacred tears."

And after yoga today I spoke to a college student. It was her first time. She said she loved the spiritual teachings. Indeed, I have been encouraged by yoga. Today we did dancer, a balancing pose where you stand on one foot and then pull your other leg behind you while you extend the opposite arm forward. You sort of end up looking like a bow and arrow.

I was doing the pose just fine, all balanced with a slight tip forward. But then I decided to try and push myself to try and tip forward more. I got off balance and had to drop my foot and start over again. As I wobbled it was as if God posed the question, "Why do you push yourself to the point of instability?"

What does Kung Fu Panda have to do with yoga? To me it is the realization that the Christian Church is so scared of spirituality that it has relegated all things "spiritual" to New Age philosophy and Eastern religions. In order to preserve doctrine, mainly mainline branches have shunned the movement of the Holy Spirit and have labeled any display of power, miracles, and even spiritual gifts, as counterfeit and disruptive.

I think this is sad. This means that people hungry for rightful spiritual influence are left to go to Eastern philosophy.

I am happy to let the Spirit move and to find encouragement from Him wherever I find it. Yoga has reminded me to remain present in the moment, to honor myself and not to compete. To accept my best and be content with it. Kung Fu Panda reminded me to believe and to be ok with not being in control.

I know we cannot deny the influence of sin in our lives, and the Church must address it, but I would really like for the teaching of the Church to get back to things that more spiritual practices have taken up in our absence- things such as the teaching of personal empowerment through inner spirituality and truth. In the meantime I'm going to appreciate it when I see it- animated or no!

My thoughts on Yoga

I have been thinking that it will be sad to neglect my blog as I am studying for Bar Exam #2. I could have done more today, but it is Saturday, and it is hard to convince my brain that I should be cramming law into it today. Weekends are weekends.

Today I am going to write about yoga. I really like yoga. I don't like what I dub 'crazy yoga'- of which there are many varieties. This is yoga where you beat your stomach with others beating their stomachs while counting to 10 for 5 mins. This is supposed to stir up energy or something. I call it crazy. Or yoga where you lay down for 30 mins in the dark and think about every part of your body and then when you finally sit up you just snort air out of your nostrils. I don't have time for that. I need exercise. I need to relax. I can lay down and think about my body in my own bed while I am about to fall asleep and am not needing exercise.

Anyway, doing yoga as a Christian has gotten me in trouble. I got kicked out of a ministry for it because the person in charge of the ministry was so against it. She thought that there was no separating the exercise from the spiritual practice.

A lot of Christians feel this way. They don't think that it is possible to engage in the exercise without inherently immersing yourself in the spiritual element. I agree that if you are insecure in your faith and you go in blindly without the awareness that there is a spiritual component to it, you may get off course into some spiritual philosophy that is not in agreement with the Bible. But I find it ridiculous to assert (sorry, my mind is still in legalese here) that there are certain things that cannot be separated from their symbolism. If that is what Christians believe then they should not have a Christmas tree any more because the Christmas tree is a pagan symbol.

So basically I try to avoid crazy yoga and look for yoga that is minimally spiritual. A few Oms are ok, but don't start getting into a treatise on yogic philosophy. As aforementioned, I'm here to release tension (because law school has turned me into Type A) and exercise.

I found this great special at a studio nearby. It as $40 for unlimited classes for an entire month. You can't beat that. Unfortunately I did not have the opportunity to screen the place for craziness beforehand. I decided the deal was worth taking a chance. I got a report from a friend that it was a legit place. So I was relieved.

But then I go in and there is this huge podium of Ganesh at the front of the studio, with a background of Buddha, and another Hindu god. I do not want to stare at Ganesh for the entirety of my yoga class. I am thinking this may disrupt the peace I have. And then I sensed that God wanted me to stay. I need not be threatened by the presence of these figures. Indeed I felt like Jesus was not threatened by them. I felt like I could bring the presence of Jesus into the studio. And I said a nice prayer for everyone there. That was that.

I once tried out a free yoga class put on by this non-denom church. I was excited. I was so stressed out and I was grateful for free yoga. But it was so lame. In the attempt to make the yoga "Christian" the instructor started the relaxation time by reading the first chapter of John. Do you know how long it takes to read an entire chapter out loud? Like 5 mins. So I am trying to relax and instead am getting annoyed and am just wanting her to stop reading Scripture. Seriously, this is something ridiculous that Christians do. God can be present in an activity without adding something to make it overtly Christian. That was the first and last time I went to "Christian" yoga.

After my pagan yoga I got to talk to the teacher and this other guy I had been in 2 classes with. I shared with them a little about my healing classes. I asked about their yoga practice. The one guy from class had a Sanskrit name and everything. I started talking to him because he mentioned Osho, this meditation guru I became familiar with when I was in Burma. I told him I had the opportunity to walk around Osho's meditation center in India.

I left thinking that if as Christians we are so put off by the practice of other people's religion, how in the world do we ever expect to engage people? Are we that easily tainted by being in the presence of an icon we find idolatrous? If that is the case then our faith has very little influence or power behind it.

Now I'm not going to go seek out the Satan worshipers to infiltrate their meeting to prove that my God is more powerful. No reason to needlessly seek out darkness just to prove the light is stronger. But I think it's time to stop disengaging situations where another religion is prominent. If that is how Christians want to focus their efforts, then you need not wonder why we have a limited impact on the culture around us.

So I'm going to keep going to yoga!

Irony

I just returned from a friend's wedding and promptly set out to send out a card for another friend whose wedding I will not be able to attend in two weeks.

The wedding I was in was very beautiful, and to the uninformed eye, went off splendidly. Of course at any wedding there are things that go wrong. Something arrives late and stresses everyone out. Something is not decorated as specified. People do dumb things because they are people. But at this wedding as a bridesmaid, I was most satisfied that nobody passed out and fell over from locking their knees, nobody tripped walking down the aisle, and so on.

I saw how there is a lesson in life that in anything things are bound to not go exactly as planned. And we decide how we handle these things when they don't go as expected.

I was tested in this immediately.

I was writing in my friend's card. I was trying to write a quote from St. Teresa of Avila that goes something like this:

Let nothing disturb you

Let nothing frighten you

All things pass away

God never changes

Patience obtains all things

He who has God wants for nothing.

God alone is enough.

Well I am writing in this really pretty card and it is my last special multi-colored butterfly card. I am giving it to my friend because I am not going to her wedding and I think she deserves the best- the last of my favorite cards.

I am writing "Let nothing disturb you" and like an idiot I switch the 'u' and the 'r.' I then try to write over the letters and try to make the r look like a u, but it doesn't work. So then I am looking at this messy word that is right at the top and smacks of imperfection. On a nice wedding card no less. I am weighing the options of crossing it out because I deem the word unredeemable. I figure this is an even worse option than leaving the bumbled word there as it is. I look to see if I have any more butterfly cards, and I realize it is the last one. It would've sucked to have wasted another precious butterfly card, but at least I could try again for a clean version of the card. No, I decide I want to use the butterfly card. I was tempted to get frustrated and upset. And disappointed. Perfectionism was creeping up and threatened to ruin all the excitement I had about the card and the purpose for which I was sending it.

Then I thought about the irony of the very quote I screwed up. Let nothing disturb you...

So I regrouped and decided to take the quote at its word and readjusted my attitude. "I will make it work!" I declared to myself, as if Tim Gunn himself was standing there over my shoulder. And I ripped off the messed up part and just used the clean part. And it looks fine.

Take that perfectionism! You will not have victory over me today! Now let's just see if I can apply this to the big stuff that doesn't go well...

Crazy? Let's hope not!

So I'm wondering if God could use a pocket dial to give me a message...

I was listening to this guy from a prophecy conference and he was talking about how we have to appear peculiar to the outside world sometimes if God is going to be able to use us in radical ways. Like being the phrase, "fools for Christ" from 1 Corinthians 4:10.

I am thinking to myself, "Oh no, I hope God is not preparing me to be ready to have to do something that makes me look bad to others."

Then I see that I have a voice message on my phone. It is what I finally discern to be a pocket dial of none of than Seal's, "Crazy."

Oh no.

Best Compliment Ever

I'm starting to see a trend... I have now had two marriage proposals from men who barely know me. (I'm starting to understand how my beautiful, pale skinned, American friend must feel in S/SE Asia!) And also- I have had two unrelated people use these exact words to describe me: "unusual" and "peculiar." In the best intended sense possible, of course.

I don't know what to say. I guess it is better than, "intense," because I get that on occasion as well. I don't think that can be taken in a flattering sense ever.

But the same person who offered to marry me after calling me "unusual and peculiar" said that when I prayed for him he experienced something he had never felt before in his life. He felt the warm and the tangible Presence of God. That's pretty cool.

Now I don't claim to be normal. I mean, who defines what is normative anyway? I used to revel in non-conformity. But let's face it- it's hard living abnormally. For me it has been the process of saying yes to God always, which has led me on some pretty amazing adventures. But that has also meant rejecting a life of stability, if that were at all in my control, (which is probably wasn't, but at least I could've fancied the idea that I could have a goal of stability). Instead I have gotten God. I have really gotten to know Him. We spend like, all day every day together. And that has perks. Like I know what He's like, and He shares stuff with me, and I in turn get to share that with others.

That is what makes it all worth it. Like the guy who gave me the best compliment ever.

The short story is this... It should be known that I will drive all over the place to be where I think God is going to show up. I crave being in His Presence, and that's just not something you find in any old church service. I have been missing this of late, but then I found out about this woman who has worship and "hosts the Holy Spirit" at her house. I knew it would be worth the drive.

I showed up and I felt normal amongst the people there. These are people who dance in worship. They laugh. Yes, they laugh in church! They are vibrant people. And when someone is sick, or has an addiction, or can't pay their bills, people take the time to gather around them to pray for them. It is a time of encouragement and strengthening each other and not just filling our heads with a quaint tidbit of Biblical knowledge to provide a principle to live by. That is what I'm talking about when I say God showing up. You actually feel that He is there.

And this is what happened when I prayed for the man. I just put my hand over his and he got this tingling sensation that lasted well after I took my hand away. And before he left I prayed for him again. I prayed for the power, healing, and love of God to be made real to him. And he actually FELT it! How cool is that?!

He called today to tell me that it changed his life.

Now, I studied social work to change lives. I went to law school with the aspiration that the degree would empower me to change lives. I worked to fight human trafficking to change lives. And after not being a social worker, or using the law degree, or sometimes being employed at all, I wonder how I am going to change lives. But I know my life has been changed in the Presence of God. This is not something I can put on my resume.

So to hear that the product of my personal time spent with God in brokenness, often in frustration, desperation, and confusion, but also in rest and peace- to hear that helped touch the life of another, whom I later found out desperately needed love and encouragement- that was the best compliment ever.

And THAT friends, is what I mean when I say there is more than just talking about sin. We get to introduce people to God. Like a physical, tangible, on the spot introduction. THAT changes lives.

So if all we know about the Gospel is that Jesus saves sinners, we might get people who really feel sinful to repent. But then what? 'Ok, good job, you're forgiven and going to heaven, but I guess you can just keep working on that sin stuff because boy, you're a mess!' Or how about, "Do you need to know the love of God right now? Let me show you what that's like."

Who can resist acceptance? Who can reject love that warms every part of you, even when you are your most broken?

The problem is that people don't know that love from themselves, and their view of God is incomplete. So therefore it follows that their Gospel is incomplete. God fixes sinners. The end.

Oh friends, if that's all you know of God, I invite you to come with your (to coin the beloved Brennan Manning term) RAGGAMUFFIN SELF and let yourself be loved by Abba, Daddy God. And then, when you are good and stuffed full of His love and goodness, then go out and share it with others!

Stop and Smell... the Tulips

I know this blog tends to be fairly spiritual with a focus on evangelism, but I'd like to share my day today, just to show that my life is also comprised of things that I find meaningful, but not necessarily that impactful.

I learned that there is an estate which has dedicated its lawn entirely to tulip gardens. Tulips are by far my favorite flower, so I was determined to go see them before all their precious little petals fell off! I set out to go see the gardens two days ago, but it was as if the weather were playing peek-a-boo with me and every time I got in the car or walked outside it'd start to drizzle. "No way do I want to get stuck looking at tulips in the rain!" I thought, and I'd walk back in, or turn the car around. I did this twice, and each time when I went in the sun would come out. I still forfeited the trip. Then there was a thunderstorm the next day. And then there were tornadoes. Seriously. I prayed for the petals to be strong and endure the storms (no there will be no metaphor for life later) so I could come see them.

Finally today, despite it being very windy, I was determined to see the tulips! I drove out to the main road and had to stop while 3 adult looking deer leaped across the road in front of me in the middle of the day- the road being none other than Deer Wood Ct, I kid you not! Thankfully they didn't dart last minute, but rather decidedly made their way across the road, which gave me plenty of time to stop and avoid hitting them.

I progressed on my way and made it to the gardens. There was the sound of music carried on the wind. I later realized it was by a man sitting on a lawn chair in the middle of a patch of tulips playing a recorder. Yes, a recorder, like the kind we all played in elementary school music class. He had music for it and everything.

Then a basset hound puppy bounded up to me with her oversized ears and feet. She was accompanied by her owner and another dog, which I learned was a basset/beagle mix. I chatted with the owner and complimented the puppy on how beautiful she was. She chewed on my hand with her sharp puppy teeth, but I didn't mind.

I took in the tulips and was thankful that most of them still had their full blossoms, although some patches were petal-less. I thought about how nice it is that somewhere in the world- actually the place where I am now situated in life- has an entire garden full of my favorite flower. I may not know what I am doing with my future or my career, but I can enjoy and appreciate little things like this on a day where I don't have work.

Unfortunately along with beautiful Spring flowers comes Spring allergies. I wasn't suffering from them really until this morning. I went to sleep with the window open because it was not quite warm enough to keep the A.C. on. I woke up with the entire left side of my nose inflamed and tender. Like the whole nostril. I get swelling, but should this affect my entire nostril? I decided to stop by a pharmacy on the way home to get some Zyrtec. I could not place the pharmacist's accent other than being somewhere in West Africa. I asked him where he is from and he said Nigeria. Then he asked me if I watched the royal wedding and said, "It was so beautiful!"

Then I went out to the parking lot to my car and walked by this retirement aged black gentleman in a tan suit, with a pink tie, suspenders, and a straw looking brimmed hat. He was getting out of his Cadillac. I complimented his outfit and asked him where he was going looking so fancy, and he said he is retired and he always dresses like that. (That is how I knew he was retirement age!) ;) And then he asked if I wanted to marry him. I said I'd consider it if he wants to pay off my student loans.

[As an aside, it is really sad how much I value things in terms of paying off my student loans. When I was in Burma, a businessman associated with the English school I worked at approached me after class and gave the proposition of marrying a Burmese man to grant him U.S. citizenship in exchange for $15,000 U.S. I told him no, of course that is against the law, but then when recounting the story to others back in America I added, "$15,000 would barely pay off one of my student loan bills! He'd have to offer a lot more than that!" Also, when doing a contract job the other attorneys and I were talking about how much a qualified woman can get paid to be an egg donor. It is like $100,000. I said something to the effect of, "I don't think I'd want some stranger to have a kid that is partially mine... but that would cover most of my student loan debt!" And last night I was saying how you couldn't pay me enough to jump out of a plane, except for maybe if you paid off my student loan debt. hahaha]

Those of you with massive student loan debt can sympathize. Anyway, I didn't continue the discussion with the Cadillac driving, suit wearing, retired man any further about marriage.

Then I came home. Now I am writing this blog.

Many days are like this I find. I didn't learn anything new about myself today, except that I am susceptible to allergies in this new place where I am now living. I didn't figure out what to do with my life. But I did get out and enjoy tulips. And random strangers. And their dogs. And the flattery of a marriage proposal in the parking lot.

I guess if there is a moral to this post it would be- wherever you are in life, whether you are happy with what has become of it or not, enjoy your surroundings. Take time for things that are put on the earth just for you. For me it's tulips. For you it's something else. But don't miss it- and the people around you- just because your circumstances aren't everything you want and hope for. Some days we have to make the most of what we're given because we can't allow our contentment to depend on circumstances.

There ya go. And here are some pictures from the garden!

The man with the recorder

And just for fun... my purse!

What Christ Saved Us From

I can almost hear in my head the response of some religious people to my last post... "But we can't ignore sin! Yes God is loving, but he also holds people accountable for their sin! What about the wrath of God we were under while we were still living in sin?" And on and on...

Look, although people who indulge in sin may appear to momentarily enjoy their actions, do you really think anyone needs help feeling more painfully aware of their sin? Even those of us who know Christ usually are not far away from feelings of unworthiness, shame, condemnation, guilt, etc. And we are the forgiven ones who supposedly know that we are covered by the grace of Christ.

Before the Good Friday service this past Passion week I asked Jesus for a new experience of the cross. I went into the service and we began to worship by singing songs about the cross and the sacrifice of Jesus. Do you know what I felt? Love. I felt how my friend who had been having a bad day needed a hug. I felt how pleased God felt for the brother who has been struggling with his faith. I felt the approval God felt for the pastor.

There was all this talk about how excruciatingly horrendous and awful our sin is which necessitated Christ's death on the cross. I think it is an evangelical belief (and perhaps more widespread to Calvinism- you theological experts can let me know) that in order to fully appreciate the sacrificial death of Christ as an atonement for our sins we must fully own the weight of depravity of our sin.

I decided to reject that focus this Easter. I posed the question, "Why are we focusing so much attention on what Christ saved us from rather than what He saved us to?" How does it glorify Christ to focus on sin? If we have accepted Christ why spend much time focusing on it at all?

Come on people. Think about what it means to have had the atonement for sin already accomplished... We are no longer viewed as sinful, but we put on the righteousness of Christ!

Romans 8

Life Through the Spirit

¹ Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, ² because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death. ³ For what the law was powerless to do because it was weakened by the flesh, God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh to be a sin offering. And so he condemned sin in the flesh, ⁴ in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fully met in us, who do not live according to the flesh but according to the Spirit.

⁹ You, however, are not in the realm of the flesh but are in the realm of the Spirit, if indeed the Spirit of God lives in you. And if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, they do not belong to Christ. ¹⁰ But if Christ is in you, then even though your body is subject to death because of sin, the Spirit gives life because of righteousness.

Galatians 2

¹⁵ “We who are Jews by birth and not sinful Gentiles ¹⁶ know that a person is not justified by the works of the law, but by faith in Jesus Christ. So we, too, have put our faith in Christ Jesus that we may be justified by faith in Christ and not by the works of the law, because by the works of the law no one will be justified.

¹⁷ “But if, in seeking to be justified in Christ, we Jews find ourselves also among the sinners, doesn’t that mean that Christ promotes sin? Absolutely not! ¹⁸ If I rebuild what I destroyed, then I really would be a lawbreaker. ¹⁹ “For through the law I died to the law so that I might live for God. ²⁰ I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. ²¹ I do not set aside the grace of God, for if righteousness could be gained through the law, Christ died for nothing!”

I believe, that in spending so much time in sermons and Bible study discussions about the battle with the flesh, and overcoming sin in order to be more Christ-like, etc. we are just going right back to striving to uphold the requirements of the law, which Christ has already set us free from. He has ALREADY pronounced us righteous and has given us the ability to accomplish everything necessary to live a godly life through the Spirit.

That means we can get past this obsession with sin.

That frees up SO MUCH TIME to think about other things! I want to keep the discussion going, but I am not thinking it will need to be addressed in another post. Stay tuned and feel free to chime in with your thoughts!

God is...

Do you get as annoyed (and occasionally amused) at people's bumper stickers as I do? Perhaps those of you who have not lived in the DC-Metropolitan area do not have the privilege to sit close enough to someone's bumper for extended periods of time like I have had, but I certainly get my fair share of bumper reading opportunities. I especially love to see the religious and political beliefs of the people who cut me off! I avoid overt auto-hypocrisy by having no religious symbolism on my car, however I do proudly display the "Virginia is for Lovers" bumper sticker, which was mainly to declare my loyalty to Virginia when I was living in Texas.

Anyway, my post is not about bumper stickers. But it IS inspired by something I saw on the highway while driving to work. I'm always amazed at the humor that comes from people's dirty cars. "Wash me" is typical. Sometimes you see paw prints. On the highway yesterday morning I saw a large truck with "God Is Love" written in huge dust letters.

For once this was a religious automobile platform I could get behind. And it got me thinking, "Is this inscription in truck dust not symbolic of how our actions are representing God to people every day?"

Think about the type of Christians that get represented on the news. Who immediately comes to mind? The Koran burning pastor. The anti-gay/abortion protesters- take your pick, every day there are enough of either to abound. The ultra-right wing political conservatives who zealously adhere to socially conservative policies even at the expense of people's government paychecks.

What are these people representing about the character of God?

God is... judgmental.

God is... angry.

God is... hateful.

God is... more concerned about social mores than the wellbeing of individuals.

I work with attorneys that represent a cross-section of different backgrounds and beliefs. This topic comes up often with every new church group that shows up in court or the media for their decision to protest the funeral of a soldier who is taking the brunt for the repeal of the 'Don't Ask-Don't Tell' policy, or whatever ignoble form of attention grabbing, religious excuse for hate-mongering is fashionable that week. We share personal experiences of encounters with judgmental and hypocritical Christians.

And then the question always arises, "How do they think that God is behind these hateful actions? Where do they get the idea to use their religion to promote hatred?"

Well, it simply comes from their concept that God is all the above mentioned qualities. If God is primarily a judgmental God, then it follows that He is primarily concerned about sin. And if God cares about sin, then so should we! It becomes the Christian's job to go around ridding the world of sin, which necessarily has to be some sort of societal taboo, which of course has to do with sex because those are the sins self-righteous people feel most indignant about. This is in opposition to lesser sins such as gossip, lying, or of course, judging.

With such a view of God your mission in life becomes simple- you must diligently go about informing the world of God's EXTREME displeasure with their behavior so they will repent. And THEN when you repent, God will be happy with you and He becomes a good and loving God.

Yesterday at work a question arose, "Who is the person who is converted by the John 3:16 signs at football games?" Has anyone ever testified to seeing "John 3:16" on the bottom of a Forever XXI bag and realized their need for Christ? Would the lost sinner have the wherewithal to know they are supposed to look up the verse in the Bible?

I could go on and on about the ludicrousness of it all. But what is not a laughing matter is that so many people, deep down to their core, believe this is what God desires from them in order for them to be faithful to His call for them to make disciples of all nations.

I'm here, in this little public forum of my humble blog, to declare- it is WAY more effective to publically represent the image of a LOVING GOD to the world and keep your ideas of what constitutes sin to yourself. I don't care WHAT you believe in private about God's judgment and his anger over sin. We can differ on what our focus is after reading the same Bible. But PLEASE, for the sake of the reputation of Christians WORLDWIDE, don't spread hatred in the name of religion.

Do you remember the popular, "What would Jesus do?" bracelets? I'll tell you what Jesus would NOT do. He wouldn't bash gay people. He wouldn't burn other religious texts. And he wouldn't wage social warfare to promote any political agenda.

When we ask what the character of God is, as purported followers of Jesus, we should always view God through the lens of Christ. What does John 3:16 say anyway? That "God so loved the world..."

In the words of the Black Eyed Peas, "Where is the love?"

So people, let's make a point to represent who God really is... LOVE!

Moving Forward

I recently completed the second 6-month healing prayer ministry training from Elijah House's video school. We had a graduation ceremony and the facilitators of the class spoke words of blessing and prophecy over us. Members of the class also shared blessing and wrote them on cards to give to us.

This is what the leaders said about me:

• "I see you being led by God blind-folded. You don't know where you are going, but when He takes off the blindfold you are content and happy."
• "I see you on a winding path, but you are walking with Jesus right beside you."

And one card said:

• I see you "free falling beautifully skydiving. You are not afraid because the Lord holds you up as He carries you to your destination."

On one hand I was comforted that these people who I trust to hear from God were speaking things that are in agreement with my experience, and what they were saying was hopeful. But what did not make me feel all warm and fuzzy was this confirmation of the uncertainty in my life and the general theme of 'blind faith' and even extreme risk-taking. That is sort of how I've been living, but still it did not make me feel better that this is really how it is.

You see I had a different idea of how it all was going to look. The faith was supposed to have a difference outcome. As a recovering perfectionist and performance/outcome-driven person, I do not like thinking that even faith can have flawed results. It's hard to keep from believing that perhaps somewhere I missed something or just plain got it wrong.

This mindset tends to get me stuck. It prevents me from wanting to move ahead. It causes me to resent the lost opportunities and creates a hesitancy to risk again. Whether you act out of faith or not, I am sure I am not alone in having these feelings.

So I am writing to share how I am choosing to handle this problem of facing my future while still quite acutely feeling the disappointment of the past. I have decided that I want to run with a tailwind rather than against a headwind. I am not a runner- I say that I don't run unless I am being pursued by someone with the intent to do me harm. I don't think I got past the 2nd stage of the Couch-to-5k program, but alas I digress.

I don't run, but I do know what it's like to try and do anything- let's just say walk- against a headwind. You are progressing, but it just seems to take so much effort to get anywhere. And then when you get to your intended destination you feel drained. A tail wind, on the other hand, propels you forward and makes it feel like you are almost effortlessly progressing- or if not effortlessly, with minimum effort- and when you arrive you almost feel like you gained strength in conserving what you would have already have had to expend. Like when the flight attendant tells you that you are arriving to your destination city ahead of schedule. It's like you get part of your life back that you didn't know you were missing.

Anyway, I give this long analogy because I feel like in clinging to the past, in focusing so much on lost opportunity costs, I am running against a headwind. I'm chaining myself to hurt and the things that represent what I don't want my life to look like- or mourning what should've been- when I could be expending that energy on the potential of what could be. I need that focus and energy for the WORLD of possibilities that lie ahead.

It was really windy a couple nights ago. It was also warm. That is it was warm before it got cold, but that is April for ya. I went out to the deck and sat to look out across the yard and up to the night sky. As soon as I came and sat with my sorrow and burdens I heard a voice in the solitude that said, "I am here." I started to cry. And then I felt as if Jesus was extending me an opportunity to unload my burdens.

I pictured the failed relationships and hopes and dreams as bunches of balloons. I felt the nudging of Jesus to let them go. So with each new gust of wind or gentle breeze I let another bundle of balloons go. Each friendship. Each opportunity. A season of life over. In my mind I could see them float up to the sky and off to Heaven. In Heaven God would be able to invest them and redeem them and then use the return on the investment for my future.

With each release of the imaginary balloons I felt lighter in my spirit. I think that's what enabled me to now feel more enthusiastic about continuing to run with hope towards the 'what could be' instead of focusing on 'what will not be.'

My favorite prophet Isaiah said:

This is what the LORD says- "Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland."

It's hard to think I am starting over. I didn't want to start over. I was ok with revamping or remodeling, but I didn't want to have to start from scratch. That thought sucked and quite frankly scares me. I have done this too many times. But I don't have options. I start over or stagnate. I don't want to stall out right when I am positioned to thrive if I will only keep on living with courage, faith, and hope. So I am choosing to keep looking ahead- or walking figuratively blindfolded by God step by step in the direction where He is leading in as much trust as one can muster while plummeting to the ground like a skydiver!

Be More Than You Think You Can Be

Sometimes I have to stop listening to the radio preachers and "family focused" shows on the Christian stations because they make me angry. Sometimes I tune in for the last 4 minutes of a sermon and God blesses me with exactly what I need to hear to encourage me in what I'm going through. Other times I just get mad. I caught the tail end of a talk between what I gathered was a married couple who had written a book or had a ministry or something. I guess the husband had an affair and the wife had forgiven him or something like that because they were talking about forgiveness and how their marriage was better than ever. But then the wife said this comment: "I once heard someone say, we're not what we should be, and we're not what we could be, but we're not what we were."

This was supposed to be an encouraging statement. Like, 'I'm not living all that I think my life could be, but thanks to Jesus my life isn't as miserable as it used to be.' Does anyone else find this to be a dismal and self-defeating statement? Does that make anyone want to jump in line to receive the bountiful blessings of knowing Jesus and having him in your life?

Here is a good moment to update people on the conference. The conference I just went to was awesome. The people there, Heidi Baker, Leif Hetland, and Shawn Bolz, to name a few, are on the cutting edge of living for what is possible to do in a person's life. Though all of their ministries are different (from Heidi Baker who serves as a missionary in Mozambique and takes every orphan she encounters to Shawn Bolz who goes to celebrity parties in L.A. and prays for Hollywood stars), all of the messages were empowering. I heard "Be yourself" so many times in 4 days. Only you can bring to the world the amazing gifts and abilities that God chose to equip you with. Leif Hetland did a prayer for God to restore the lost and dormant dreams of the people in the congregation. Their testimonies of the amazing things God has done through miracles and extraordinary provision in their lives served as an appetizer to whet our appetites to dream of what God could do in our lives. During prayer times they challenged us to ask God what He has specifically created us to do.

Have you ever stopped to really believe what the Bible says about what we should expect from our lives?

1 John 4:17 says that "In this world we are like Jesus."

Ok, so we all go to church to find out how to be Christlike. But that has looked like trying not to sin, loving others more than ourselves, and knowing what the Bible says. But have you ever truly let these words of Christ sink in?

John 14:12

"Very truly I tell you, whoever believes in me will do the works I have been doing, and they will do EVEN GREATER things than these, because I am going to the Father."

Hello people, what works did Jesus do? He taught with amazing authority that made everyone take notice that he said way different stuff than the religious authorities of his time. He spoke with POWER. He healed people. He delivered people from demons. (Yes demons people, not just psychological problems or epilepsy that the people of their day mistook for demons because they were not as educated and scientifically advanced as us.) And he raised the dead!

Do you realize that Jesus had the expectation that we would do GREATER things than that because his time on earth was limited? In short, we have more time to teach, heal, and deliver than he did. So let's make good use of our time!

Come on people, why do we bother to read the Bible if we don't take these words seriously?!

Romans 8 says we share in the glory of Christ, we are more than conquerers, and nothing can separate us from God's love. That is just ONE CHAPTER! What could we do with our lives if we believed that 1 chapter alone? This just happens to be my favorite new testament chapter, so I'll continue... It also says there is NO CONDEMNATION in our lives. We are set free from the law of sin and death by the Holy Spirit and our minds have life and peace when we are in agreement with the Spirit.

Romans 8 continues... We are co-heirs with Christ. What is an heir? Someone who receives an inheritance. An inheritance is a bunch of stuff you get because someone had the misfortune of dying and can't use their stuff any more. This means you- who just has the privilege of being alive- get a bunch of someone else's stuff because they have the misfortune of being dead. So we get to share in receiving CHRIST'S STUFF because he died and we are living in him. Think about what kind of stuff Christ has people... power, glory, wisdom, authority, ENDLESS provision...

But the people on the radio are just happy to be forgiven and that means they are not quite the miserable sinners they were before they knew Christ. Don't get me wrong. I am glad they applied the forgiveness of Christ to their marriage in a way that saved and restored it. That is an extraordinary thing that testifies to the grace and power of the resurrection of Christ in their marriage. We all have to start the journey with Christ where we are, and the beginning of that looks like receiving forgiveness and letting Christ bring restoration to the broken areas caused by our failures and wounding. But why stop at that?!

I want to live a life that is worthy that the calling Jesus put on me. (Ephesians 4:1, Colossians 1:10, 1 Thessalonians 2:12) If Jesus expects me to do greater works than him, I want to do greater works. Jesus, of all people, would know what we are capable of doing because He had a part in our creation.

Now let's not let him down!

Where to Take Your Prayer Requests for Healing

Sometimes I need more help praying for people. That's when I make use of the online prayer request form from Christian Healing Ministries.

I just found out that a wonderful man from the church I used to attend has cancer and no health insurance and his wife may have cancer as well. So I added their names to the list. Christian Healing Ministries has several intercessors who will pray over the people you list for 2 months.

I say always take advantage of more prayer if offered!

How to Minister Out of Your Being: Part 2, the Auto Tune Place

This story also happened the same day when I blessed the receptionist at the salon (see previous post), but for the sake of space I decided to make it another entry.

I realized my poor car needed an oil change. Funds are tight, but God provided a good deal in the form of a Groupon for this whole oil change and tire rotation package! This brought me to the Auto Tune place yesterday. Keep in mind I am all tanked up and full of faith and excitement from my conference. At the conference I heard these testimonies from people living on the cutting edge of what is possible for God to do in a person's life, so I am all revved up to see God in action!

I walked into the auto tune place and gave my keys to the lady at the desk. I had time to kill. Then a man with a bad leg hobbled in. "Perfect!" I thought. "Now I have time AND someone to pray for!" I asked the man if he wanted prayer for his bad leg. He told me that he used to be Catholic and he prays every day, but he'd take more prayer. Before I prayed for his leg I listened to him about his life. This poor man had it rough. He was in Alcoholics Anonymous, he was constantly having problems with housing and at the last place he lived someone stole his bi-polar medicine, he had anger issues... His knee was rubbing bone on bone and he needed surgery- this put the hip on his other side out of whack and his other knee was shot as a result. He was illiterate until he was 45 and even now that he could read he could not understand what he read.

As I listened to him I held his hands. I anointed him with the new anointing oil that I got at the conference which represents the blood of Christ. I prayed for Jesus to heal his mind and remove the confusion in his thoughts. I prayed that Jesus is his Prince of Peace. He said he really needed for the confusion to leave. I told him that God has forgiven him and removed his sins as far as the east is from the west and he started to weep. I prayed for the love of God to come into his heart and show him how much he is loved and how valuable he is. I prayed that he would be free of addiction. While I was sitting with him he called someone about a new residence and his anger management counselor to see when his appointment was.

I really felt like God wanted to minister to his heart before we went straight to his bum knees. Then I put my hand on his knee with the brace and prayed for God to create cartilage and replace anything missing in his knees so he wouldn't need surgery. I felt something happening, but he did not feel the pain leave so I kept praying. Occasionally the oil lube guys would walk in and out and they must've wondered what I was doing with my hands on his knees, but I was undaunted. I knew I was at that auto tune place for this man.

Finally his car was done. We had tested his knees to see if they were healed, but he still felt pain. I was confident that even if God did not heal him completely right then, He could continue the healing work without me seeing the results. (I actually do this often. I pray for random people and don't see anything happen right then, but who's to say God doesn't heal them when they go home or the next day when I am not there to see it?) So I want to encourage you to pray for people and maintain your faith even if you don't see results immediately. I've heard testimonies from people powerfully used of God to heal, and they will pray for tons of people who they don't see healed that day, but God heals them on the ride home, or later on after the conference and they don't always get to share that testimony with the one who prayed for them.

We pray for others boldly, believing in the promises of God that Christ took all our afflictions and that by his stripes/wounds we are healed. It is not up to us to prove that God will do it by our fervent prayers. We are obedient to pray, and leave the results with God.

So before the man left I asked if I could give him a hug. Remember this is another easy thing we can do for people. People need hugs- I don't care who you are. We all need hugs. And if you know the love of God, then you HUG with the love of God, and people can tell the difference. Hug people with your whole being and they will encounter God's love.

Now my car is running as well as can be expected for an 11 year old car, God bless her. For those of you who know me you know what I'm talking about. :) But more importantly one man is at least encouraged that God cares about his problems and is working on his behalf to bring healing and restoration to his troubled life. I don't care where you are, if you see someone who is obviously troubled- don't be intimidated by their problems. Just be present to let Jesus touch them in whatever way they need, whether it be hope, comfort, encouragement, whatever... We don't have it within ourselves to give, but we have CHRIST within us- and HE gives generously if we will only offer our lives to be used by him.

How to Minister Out of Your Being: Part 1, the Salon

Hello People- I don't know how many of you there are, but I am happy to share my stories with you! I'm sorry I've fallen off the wagon in terms of documenting what's been going on. Suffice it to say, it's been a lot, but more of the type of stuff where God just downloads stuff into my being and then it has to have time for me to ruminate over it. When it comes to the surface, I'll let you know!

The conference is of that caliber of stuff that needs to sit awhile longer, but God did so much big big stuff and I hope to share some of those stories soon. I've enlisted a couple of guest blogger recruits also to share deep stuff they've talked to me about or stories they shared. It should be a treat!

Ok, I do have some stories of God encounters from when I was out running errands yesterday. The goal of this blog is always to model how EASY it is to see God show up in daily life! So many people are focused on the "doings" of Christianity which involve so much work and labor. 'I can't talk about God unless I've memorized Scripture, because what if someone asks me a question I don't know?' Or, 'I'm afraid to pray for people because I don't know what to pray.'

The Christian life is so much easier when it becomes about who we ARE instead of what we DO. I'm sure you've all heard the cliché that we're human beings and not human doings. In theory we acknowledge that God would love us the same if we sat on our butts and did nothing for our entire lives as if we built and ran an entire city single handed, but still our actions confess that we really believe we can earn God's favor. I'm here to tell you that the favor of God can't be earned. It must come from a true friendship with God. And out of friendship you will see miracles and it becomes easy to talk to people and pray for people. All you have to do is talk about your friend and share what your friend thinks about that person!

Ok, here's what that look like yesterday...

I needed a haircut and booked an appointment two days ago. I was praying for God to anoint the hands of this new hair stylist as I just got the first appointment available. I am just back from this conference and so I'm all tanked up on God's Presence, so I was praying for people at the salon to encounter God. I ended up getting an appointment with the salon owner. We were talking about things and I told him I'm a lawyer. He told me that some awful woman came and filed a suit under the Americans with Disabilities Act against the salon because their bathroom was too small. This led to a discussion about how I believe God honors a life of integrity whether it pans out in the short term. I told him about the concept of shalom, which does not just encompass peace and wellbeing, but the prosperity over God over your whole life. That was about all though. I wondered where God would really like to move. I was going to get my eyebrows waxed if there was an opening, but nothing opened up so I had to make an appointment with the waxing lady for the next day. That was yesterday.

I went in and met my brow lady. She had streaked hair in various shades of blonde and copper and I told her she had a lion personality. She had a tattoo that said "Forgiveness" on her forearm. You would think this would be the thing to strike up some major God moment, but it didn't. She did a good job on my eyebrows but that was it. So I thought, "Hmm, I must be here for some purpose, but I am not seeing it." Well then I went to pay. I had previously noticed that the receptionist had a very amiable personality and a voice perfectly suited for greeting people. I told her this. I also told her that her pink sweater was a lovely color for her. (Never underestimate the power of a genuine compliment!) But then I am waiting for my card to go through and I just sense that God really wants to bless this woman. I try to not speak Christianese so I say, "I am just really feeling like God wants to do something nice for you. Would you like me to agree with you that He will do something nice? What would you like Him to do?" She says, "I would like for God to give me a job in Virginia Beach. I am moving down there and I need a new job." She says she has done all sorts of jobs and would do anything. I really felt like God wanted to give her a job she enjoys so I said, "I believe God wants to give you a new job doing something you have never done before where you can be creative and use your people skills. I'll agree with you for that."

With that I felt satisfied. You know, even if you don't pray for people, or see God do some miraculous healing on the street, we can't underestimate the power of blessing people. Proverbs 18:21 says that there is the power of life and death in our tongues. We don't understand how our words have the power to bless people or curse them. We all receive enough criticism and negativity, so why not use your words to speak purpose, life, and encouragement over people? It is not hard, you just have to be intentional and stay tuned in to God's heart for others. I guess that means by default that you are not constantly tuned in to yourself.

And to bring it back around, that is why we have to focus on being with God, for it is in the being that we discover how pleased He is with us. And then we feel how pleased He is with others. Sure they sin and need to repent, but it is His kindness that leads us to repentance. It is mostly the legalistic doers that make us look bad on the news. You can fill in the blank with whatever hateful bunch is current.

So if you are reading this, I challenge you to take an hour or a Saturday to just be. Enjoy something that makes your heart glad and sit with your friend Jesus. And then see if that doesn't change the way you view others when you go back to face the daily grind!

Questions and Answers about Speaking in Tongues

If you have been checking in lately and have missed seeing new posts, I am sorry. Things have been developing that I couldn't really process for the blog. But I am going to a conference this week, which should be great material for the blog! In addition, I have a guest blogger that I will be introducing shortly! She had such depth of insight when we were hanging out that I begged her to write an entry for me. It will be worth the wait- stay tuned!

In the meantime I just had a request from a friend to answer some questions about speaking in tongues that I thought people might be interested in. Tongues are probably the most controversial of the gifts, so hopefully this will help shed some light on it, at least from my dimmed perspective. The question came up when my friend was talking about the movie "Jesus Camp" with an agnostic work friend. I have not seen it, but I guess it makes people speaking in tongues look pretty silly.

Ok, onto the Q&A:

Do you know what you're saying?

No, although sometimes someone will speak in a foreign language that they don't speak by the power of the Holy Spirit and someone who speaks that language will understand. I've heard of people praying in tongues and it turned out they were actually speaking the language (one they didn't know) of the person they were praying for. There is the gift of interpretation of tongues where a separate person who is not speaking in tongues is given the interpretation. Sort of like when someone talks and has an interpreter- the Holy Spirit gives one person the tongues and the other person the interpretation.

If not, how does it come about?

The Holy Spirit is the one who gives all the gifts- we call them "spiritual gifts." Prophecy, healing, miracles, words of wisdom and knowledge, and speaking in tongues are all examples of spiritual gifts. Also things like faith, administration, etc. So the Spirit (I will just abbreviate HS) gives gifts to help Christians build up each other in the Church and also to show people the power of the Gospel- that Jesus is who He says He is. The gifts equip and enable us to do things that we cannot do on our own so that God's purposes will be brought about on the earth. Tongues are a gift that come through a person that submits their will to God and allows Him to use them by the power of the HS.

Couldn't a person just be babbling?

Sure. People can fake anything.

What's the purpose of tongues (why)?

This is not the Biblical explanation, but I believe God gives tongues b/c it is the HS praying right through us straight to God. It is a way for our spirits to connect with God directly meanwhile bypassing our intellect. I think our minds are often in opposition to the way God thinks and if we are simply trying to "understand" God we can often miss what He's trying to do. So when we pray in tongues we are connecting with God on a very deep level and our spirits are strengthened, but we can't really understand what is going on. It provides encouragement in a way that develops trust b/c we still may not be able to grasp what God is doing with our minds, but we have connected with Him on a deeper level and that gives us peace, joy, etc.

There are different expressions of tongues. Sometimes you just pray by yourself in tongues. I use tongues a lot when I am stuck and don't know what to pray. Romans 8:26 that the Spirit himself intercedes for us with words and groanings we can't understand when we don't know what to pray. Sometimes if there is an especially strong sense of evil and I don't know how to pray against it, the Spirit prays through me in tongues and the evil lifts.

But there is also a corporate (meaning with the whole church) expression of tongues where one person may be given something to say in tongues and another interprets it. I don't see this happening often, but I know it does. In that case God has a word to share with the church and is bypassing people's logic and understanding to give it through the gifts. I don't know if that makes sense.

Isn't speaking to God in your own language just as satisfying?

Not really. As I said before, sometimes we just get stuck. We want to UNDERSTAND God and that can be really frustrating b/c in Isaiah it says that His ways are as high above our ways as the heavens are above the earth. God is impossible to completely grasp with our minds and we are constantly fighting Him. Sometimes we just need the rest of communicating with God without ourselves getting in the way. It's a hard concept to grasp, but our spirits are what are made for relationship with God. The rest of us (our minds, emotions, etc.) can experience Him, but it is primarily through our spirit (the eternal part of us) that we know Him. Lots of people like to 'think' about God, and they think they know Him, but really it's just an intellectual understanding of Him. God wants us to know Him in a deep experiential understanding that influences the core of who we are. In order to do that we have to be willing to let go of what we can control and reason with our own faculties. It's a matter of surrendering yourself to a Power higher than you can attain through yourself.

How does one start speaking in tongues (receive the gift)?

God says that He gives all gifts generously. We can ask to receive the gift of tongues and Paul says we should eagerly desire the greater gifts- meaning tongues and prophecy. Sometimes people experience what is called "the baptism of the HS" where either at the time of their conversion or a later time they receive an additional filling of the HS which equips them with more power, gifting, and anointing. I did not experience this. I believe I have grown in power and authority through the HS over time, but either when they are saved or at a later time when someone prays for them they experience a powerful encounter with the Spirit and that is when many start speaking in tongues. That's what happened at Pentecost. The Spirit showed up and they all started speaking in tongues.

If it's an act of worship and makes a person feel peace or joy, why does it sound so scary?

A lot of stuff having to do with the HS is scary to onlookers or people who don't want to give up control of their lives completely to God. God is a mighty power who can't be contained, but people like to try and control Him through tradition, religion, etc. But I think any expression of God's Spirit in a worship setting is supposed to be orderly. The Apostle Paul talked a lot about that in his letter to the Corinthian church. Many people abuse the gifts by using them recklessly and not in the way they were intended. So it is disorderly for everyone in a congregation to just be shouting in tongues at the top of their lungs for no reason. That doesn't uplift or edify the congregation. I have been in a congregation where people with the gift of tongues started singing in tongues at the same time and it sounded like Heaven. Like angels. So some churches, and perhaps certain denomonations, give the gifts a bad name, but that is not how they were intended to be used.

What about kids who speak in tongues?

God gives His gifts to anyone who is a Believer in Christ. Kids are actually the most readily accepting of the gifts b/c they are so innocent and have faith that is not yet corrupted by adulthood. Jesus says if anyone wants to enter the kingdom of heaven they must have faith like a little child. I heard of a toddler who was at a healing conference where they were praying for the sick. He went straight up to a blind man who even the adults were daunted to pray for and the toddler believer Jesus healed and prayed for the man. He was healed. For a good documentary on miracles you can watch "The Finger of God."

Can one translate when others are speaking in tongues?

I think the translation depends on the circumstance, whether someone is praying individually for their own edification or if tongues are spoken for the benefit of the church congregation. In either circumstance, the interpretation must come from the HS Himself. Like if I am praying in tongues by myself, I do not often know what I am praying, but sometimes I will get a general idea about what the Spirit is praying, especially if I am praying for someone else. I find it is very helpful when I feel burdened for someone who is hurting to pray in tongues. I just know something is wrong with a person, but I don't really know how to help, so I let the Spirit pray for that person. The Bible says that Jesus lives to intercede for us, which means he lives to bring our concerns before God. So the Spirit is the Spirit of Jesus and when I speak in tongues, I allow him to be the one to pray through me. It's mysterious. I don't know how it works, but it does!

Is tongues the same whether it be a Spanish person speaking it or an english speaking person?

It is the same HS who prays through us, so in a sense, yes.

At what age do people start speaking?

People can be filled with the Spirit from the time that they accept Christ as the payment for their sins by his death on the cross. So as soon they receive Christ they can be filled with the Spirit and speak in tongues. It's not an automatic thing for a lot of people though unless they have been taught about the gifts of the Spirit.

Is it close to Latin?

I think tongues can be a particular language, or they can be a heavenly language. I have heard of people who have had visions or encounters where they were in heaven and the angels were speaking a beautiful language they had never heard before. I think sometimes it is a mixture of different languages all at once. I think the HS is creative and likes to mix things up. :)

Are there scriptures written in tongues?

No, it is really just a prayer language.

What does it feel like when speaking?

You just sort of release your mouth to flow with the Spirit. If you have ever played music or sang in a way where you improvised, it's sort of like that. You don't really plan what is going to happen, but you go with the flow of the music as it happens. The Spirit has a flow, like a current or a powerful wind. You can choose to let yourself freely blow in the breeze or you can try and hold yourself in place.

Does a force come over you?

It's not like you are in a trance and disconnect from your mind or body. It's like if you were listening to a new song and didn't know the words so you are just sort of humming along to the music when all of a sudden some knowledge from outside of you gives you the words to the song. You were already singing on your own, but suddenly you started singing words.

When does it occur and how often?

We can never force God to show up, we can only choose to be vessels of His Presence. But I think He is always ready to intercede. Sometimes I will feel a really heavy burden all of a sudden and I know I need to pray. If I don't know who or what to pray for I will just pray in tongues until the burden lifts. Or if I am feeling discouraged I will pray in tongues. Most of the time I have some control over whether or not I will decide to pray in tongues, but sometimes if I am already praying for someone or something I'll just go from words to tongues rather effortlessly. Perhaps if you speak another language, but one language is your primary language, sometimes you find yourself thinking in the other language. It's like that with prayer.

Isn't the holy spirit god? And if that is the case why does he/she talk to himself through others in a language very few understand?

The Holy Spirit is the residential Presence of Jesus, meaning the Presence of Jesus that is always with us once we choose to surrender our lives to follow him. God speaks through many forms and methods: dreams, visions, the Bible, other people, nature, etc. Speaking in tongues is primarily about prayer. Prayer is the way that we dialogue and communicate with God, although God can be experienced through a walk in the woods, through singing songs of worship, through reading the truth of the Scripture in the Bible, etc. The gifts are a special measure of God's power and Presence that are given to bring us closer to him as a group, but they are not the only way we interact with God.